Nowhere Ranch by Heidi Cullinan

Narrated by Iggy Toma

A Vintage Review – audiobook released in 2015, review from 2019

I’ve been on another narrator glom recently, and as Iggy Toma has recorded a number of books by Heidi Cullinan, I’ve been on a bit of an author glom, too! Originally published in 2015, Nowhere Ranch is a standalone romance featuring a strong element of BDSM that, I admit, isn’t normally my cup of tea; but I’ve come to trust this author and this narrator and so I decided to pick it up. While there were a couple of things that pushed me just a bit outside my comfort zone, I’m glad I listened to it, because at heart, this is an intense, deeply romantic and poignant love story between two lonely men who find something fundamental to their happiness in one another.

The opening line just about says it all:

My name is Monroe Davis, and this is the story of how I found home.

Roe grew up on the family farm in Algona, Iowa, but left after his mother found his stash of gay porn and his conservative, religious family wanted him to get counselling from the local pastor, date girls and… basically stop being gay. After that, Roe ran around town for a while getting into trouble and ended up doing a few months behind bars. After he got out of prison, he left Algona and has drifted around, finding work here and there on a few ranches throughout the Midwest, finally making his way to the aptly named Nowhere Ranch in north western Nebraska, a small ‘hobby’ ranch the size of a large farm that’s owned by divorced former mathematics professor Travis Loving.

Roe likes the ranch and his colleagues, he likes the work and likes that he can keep himself to himself, but being way out in the middle of nowhere presents a bit of a problem when he feels the need to scratch one particular itch – it’s a three hour drive to the nearest gay bar. But needs must, and one weekend, Roe heads off in search of the kind of anonymous hook-up he’s always preferred… and yeah, the listener is way ahead of Roe, even by his own admission, because who should he find sitting at the bar when he walks in, but his boss. Travis greets Roe with a matter-of-factness that surprises him and buys him a drink; they sit and chat companionably for a while, talking frankly about what they’re looking for when it comes to sex. The surprises continue thick and fast as Roe realises that they’re both looking for the same thing; or rather that when Travis describes what he’s looking for (someone who likes it rough and a more than a little bit kinky,) he might as well be describing Roe himself. But Roe doesn’t mix work with pleasure, and isn’t about to go to bed with his boss – until Travis quietly assures him that whatever happens between them won’t make any difference to the way he treats Roe at work… and Roe lets himself be persuaded.

The sex is rough, hot, dirty and exactly what Roe wants and needs – and so it seems to be for Travis, too. They agree to hook up again, as often and for as long as they want to, and as the weeks and months pass, Roe all but moves into Travis’ house on the ranch and the other hands quietly and simply accept him as “the boss’s man.”

It’s very clear to the listener that their relationship has become more than “just sex” by this point, although both men are still telling themselves that they’re not looking for love or permanence. Roe has been so badly beaten down by life, by his family’s rejection and their view of him as an abomination that he’s deliberately distanced himself from any kind of relationship. He’s lonely, scared to love or be loved and while not quite realising it, has accepted his family’s condemnation, believing he’s not worthy of love or affection, convincing himself he doesn’t want or need it. And Travis has plenty of emotional baggage of his own; with a failed marriage (to a woman) behind him, he was burned again when his last long-term lover up and left without a word. He’s as lonely as Roe is, and, at forty-two, seems to have resigned himself to it – but when Roe comes along, Travis quickly realises he’s found something special. But he also recognises Roe’s skittishness, his need to feel able to run, and I loved the way Travis gives Roe the space he needs, never pushing him and just patiently waiting for him to come to the same conclusion. The sex scenes are fairly numerous in the first half of the book, and even though, as I said at the beginning, some of them pushed me out of my comfort zone, there’s no question that each one of them is integral to the story, showing clearly how these two men fulfil each other’s needs – Roe’s to submit unreservedly and Travis’ to dominate – and how deeply they care for and respect one another, a care and respect that bleeds over into all the other aspects of their lives as they gradually become partners in every sense of the word.

There’s something of a change of tone in the latter part of the story, with family issues coming to the fore, and a secondary storyline involving Roe’s friend Haley, and I’ve seen some criticisms of the ending as being “too perfect” – but I disagree. The happy ending is why we read and listen to romance, and if anyone deserves the perfect ending, it’s Travis and Roe.

The story is narrated entirely by Roe, and I just loved the conversational style of it; it’s like he’s telling you his life story over a beer and his narrative voice is just wonderful. He tells it like it is, doesn’t mince his words and although he’s not well-educated, he’s smart, and in spite of all the sexual kink, he’s got an innocence about him that is incredibly appealing.

All those qualities are superbly realised by Iggy Toma, whose portrayal of Roe is so utterly perfect that he seems to inhabit the character rather than simply narrate his words. His slightly husky baritone is attractive and very easy on the ear, and he adopts (what I assume is) a gentle, mid-Western accent that works incredibly well to convey Roe’s innocence and the longing for acceptance and belonging that he doesn’t verbalise but which is clearly part of his make-up. Mr. Toma lowers the pitch of his voice just a little to portray Travis, adds a touch of gravel to his tone and slows his delivery somewhat; the differentiation between the two men is subtle but effective. He performs the sex scenes with incredible confidence, but more than that, he absolutely nails their emotional centre; what Roe and Travis get up to is not for the faint-hearted is seriously raunchy and hella kinky, and the trust and care that leap off the page during those scenes are reinforced by the very real emotions embedded into the performance.

I’m glad I took a chance on Nowhere Ranch, because is the story at its core – about acceptance and unconditional love and what makes a home – is deeply moving, beautifully told and expertly narrated.

Caz