10 Things That Never Happened by Alexis Hall

Narrated by Will Watt

10 Things That Never Happened is the first in a new series from Alexis Hall, Material World. It’s kind of a spin-off from London Calling insofar as one of the leads made a brief appearance in Husband Material, but there are no crossover characters or storylines – this story is completely new. Mr Hall’s brand of funny and poignant, down-to-earth and absurd, usually works well for me, and 10 Things is no exception. It’s an opposites-attract/grumpy-sunshine romance that begins in rather unusual circumstances wrapped up in a touching story about grief, love, loss and coming to terms with the past

Liverpudlian Sam Becker is the manager of the Sheffield branch of Splashes & Snuggles, the small chain of bed and bathroom showrooms owned by Jonathan Forest. While Sam gets on well with his small team, he isn’t so great at managing the business side of things, and when the story begins, he’s been summoned to the head office in Croydon (just south of London) to explain whythe branch isn’t meeting its sales targets. He’s not surprised when his hard-nosed, profit-driven arsehole of a boss, tells him he needs to make some big changes if he wants to keep his job – for ‘big changes’ read ‘sack people’ – and later, during a tour of the showroom, the two men get into an altercation which ends with Jonathan firing Sam and his entire staff – and with Sam tripping over and into a shower enclosure which promptly collapses on top of him.

Sam is taken to hospital to get checked out and pronounced to have a fairly severe concussion. He’s definitely feeling a bit out of it, but he remembers the argument and Jonathan firing everyone, but when an offhand comment leads the doctor to mention amnesia as a possible side effect of Sam’s head injury, Sam doesn’t contradict him. Maybe if he pretends not to remember anything, it will buy him the time he needs to come up with a plan to save his – and everyone else’s – jobs.

As Sam doesn’t have anyone in London who can take care of him while he recovers, Jonathan somewhat reluctantly agrees to take him home with him. As the days pass, Sam starts to see a different side to his grumpy, uptight boss, a side capable of unexpected generosity and vulnerability, and possessed of a very dry sense of humour. With some surprise, he realises that his plan to get Jonathan to like him as a way of getting everyone un-sacked has had the unintended consequence of Sam getting to like Jonathan, too.

Listening to these two total opposites gradually shedding their misconceptions about each other is a total delight. I loved the way their growing affection is shown through little, every day things, such as Sam cooking dinner, making each other sandwiches or falling asleep on the sofa together in front of the telly. I liked that Sam slowly helps Jonathan start to appreciate life’s little joys and learn that it’s okay to accept help, and that Jonathan starts to take those things on board and realise that maybe he needs to make some adjustments to his priorities. Their chemistry crackles and their banter is wry, snarky and often laugh-out-loud; Jonathan taking care of Sam and trying to disguise his concern under layers of gruffness is cute, and Sam is secretly pleased to be taken care of, no matter that he’d die before admitting it. But of course, the longer Sam stays and the fonder of Jonathan he becomes, the more his fake amnesia risks ruining this fragile something the two of them are building together. He knows he has to come clean before Jonathan finds out – but time is running out.

Mr. Hall is incredibly clever/sneaky here in that he’s written a story from Sam’s PoV without revealing a great deal about him. When I read the book earlier this year, I was well over half way through before I realised I knew hardly anything about Sam or his life before he moved to Sheffield. Experiencing the story again makes it clear just how skilfully the author has used the amnesia storyline to enable Sam to conceal so much about himself; having to be careful about what he says to Jonathan while he’s pretending to have amnesia makes it easier for him to keep pushing aside the things he doesn’t want to think about because they’re too painful. Mr. Hall does a good job of dropping subtle hints throughout as to what those things might be, but it’s not until the end that we get confirmation, and so much of what makes Sam think and act the way he does slots into place.

The secondary cast includes Jonathan’s large and chaotic family, and it’s quickly clear that his relationship with them is complicated – and is the basis for many of his hang-ups about who and what he is and who and what he thinks he should be. He obviously loves them, but that love is tied up in a lot of guilt and frustration, and it’s easy to understand why he feels that way because they are… well, a lot. I’m not a fan of meddling/intrusive families in romances, and Jonathan’s family are most definitely that, but it’s also easy to understand where they’re coming from; they don’t see much of Jonathan, they love him and are proud of him, but he’s so caught up in the need to keep making money enough to support them that he’s forgotten that it’s not all about money and that they’d like more of him. I can’t deny that I’d have liked to have seen a little less of them and a little more of Jonathan and Sam together, although I really liked what we’re shown of Jonathan’s relationship with his dad and how it’s informed his (Jonathan’s) character. On Sam’s side, we have his colourful bunch of colleagues; once we’ve met them, it’s clear some of them really are pretty awful at their jobs so I honestly couldn’t blame Jonathan for wanting to sack them!

I liked the themes of connecting and reconnecting with the people who are important to you, about not being afraid to be yourself and to show that you care. The moments that highlight how it’s possible to be surrounded by people and yet be alone, the melancholy of being outside and looking in are truly poignant, and amid all the snark and the banter and the family turmoil is a tender and funny romance in which two lonely people discover they have more in common than they’d thought. Sam and Jonathan experience a lot of growth as characters, yet are still recognisably the same people at the end of the book as at the beginning; Sam is still upbeat and outgoing, and Jonathan is still gruff and anxious, but they’re all the better for having found that special someone who understands and accepts them and loves them for who they are.

Will Watt is someone I’ve listened to quite often, although I haven’t reviewed him before (full disclosure, I’ve worked on a number of audio projects he’s narrated, although not this one), so I knew, going into this, that I’d enjoy the performance – and I did, very much. As the story is told from Sam’s PoV, the entire narrative is delivered in an impeccable Scouse (Liverpool) accent, and Mr. Watt switches seamlessly between that and the other accents he employs for the rest of the characters. Jonathan is originally from Sheffield, but has (deliberately, I assume) lost his accent, so speaks with a kind of smooth RP; his mum could have walked off the set of EastEnders (!), his ‘auntie’ Jack has just a touch of the Fenella Fielding, his dad, other family members and some of Sam’s colleagues all have northern accents, and I liked the quasi-Eastern European one adopted for Jonathan’s housekeeper, Agnieszka. The performance is well-paced and expressive – Mr. Watt perfectly captures the personalities of the two leads and absolutely nails their moments of vulnerability and understanding, beautifully conveying the growing connection and depth of emotion between them. (The only criticism I can make is that because Mr. Watt mispronounces “Ilsa” (as in Ilsa Lund) as “eye-lah” instead of “ill-sah” the Casablanca joke doesn’t land.)

10 Things That Never Happened is a wonderful listen, a charming, poignant and very funny romance that benefits from an outstanding performance from Will Watt. The amnesia plot is a bit wobbly and perhaps goes on a bit too long, but all in all, it’s one of my favourite audiobooks of the year and is highly recommended.

Caz

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Buy 10 Things That Never Happened by Alexis Hall on Amazon